


heaven is a gift rarely wanted

by vhscassette



Series: heaven is a gift rarely wanted [1]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: M/M, canonical deaths, saiyan saga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16618352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhscassette/pseuds/vhscassette
Summary: a recount of yamcha and the gang's adventures through snake way.[did this as a 10,000 word challenge. im dead x0x]





	heaven is a gift rarely wanted

When Yamcha died, he had felt the feeling of his limbs slipping outside of himself against his will. It smelled harshly of iron, a stinging, chlorine-like sensation in the nose and limbs. He tried, in the midst of his descent, to fit his soul back to his body. It had failed. Before he had realized what happened, he had fallen beneath the surface of the Earth and disappeared.

 

When Yamcha died, his soul had been picked apart with the teeth of a music box. The life that had sprung from the desert cement of his chest were cooled to a blue sky, before breaking apart into shimmering tinsel. Then, his soul was thrown off into the void. It was cold, and he was free-falling into nowhere. Nothing mattered anymore. The concept of time didn't touch here, didn't touch in nonexistence. Yamcha was born to a mother and father in a nomadic tribe in the desert on March 20th, Age 733,  and died in a wasteland on November 3rd, Age 762. That was all.

 

His story began, and had now ended.

 

He had remembered, somehow, glimmers of a blue regret from some dream far on the horizon. He no longer had hope, nor sorrow, nor fear of anything. He didn't have the body or the emotions for it: only that he had forgotten something or someone back in a universe he didn't belong with anymore. Tumbling, falling, his soul disintegrated into sunlit-dust.

 

Tumbling, falling, his soul disintegrated into sunlit-dust.

 

And, further so, his soul disintegrated into sunlit-dust.

 

When Yamcha died, his soul had vanished from all realms of memory.

 

And then he was back.

 

His existence was suddenly slammed with the severe, punishing force of matter and blood cells as he found himself flat on the ground. It was so fucking _loud,--_ where exactly _was_ he?-- taking a moment to merely spill his soul back into his body.

 

He was _shaking._

 

It took him a moment, feeling the concept of light and concurrent time passage hit his body. He was trembling, finding it difficult to move. He controlled his arm, palm scraping some kind of green cement tile. It was bright, so bright and loud, as he kneeled up and opened his burning eyes. Everything burned, almost as if he was never born to begin with.

 

There were.. spirits, wisps of white floating towards a very large and traditional-appearing building. Someone, whoever they were with a loud voice, was often booming some sort of response as wisps moved left and right in different directions. Yamcha's head hurt. Couldn't he just be dead? Where was he? _What_ was he?

 

* * *

 

Yamcha found out he had been revived for the purpose of meeting King Kai on his little planet up past Snake Way. King Yemma was a large, _large_ man, and seemed to take pity on Yamcha's lack of connection with his human existence.

 

"You'll be sent off shortly, along with-.. Tien Shinhan and a person named Chiaotzu,"King Yemma said, adjusting his glasses.

 

".. Them? Those two.. my friends back there, yeah. But they're still alive, though.. on Earth and all," Yamcha said, scratching his head as he remembered their shadows in the record of his life.

 

King Yemma seemed to hesitate. ".. No, son. They're scheduled to be here, too."

 

".. They're on _Earth,_ still, Mr. Yemma. _Alive_ ," Yamcha said, tired and confused. They were alive still when he had died. They couldn't be in two places at once.

 

King Yemma sighed. "Tien Shinhan and Chiaotzu are currently in the process of being revived. They have died or are dying," he said with a tone of frustration, re-reading his papers and nodding to himself.

 

Yamcha's head cleared, mind emptied, before suddenly filling with loss.

 

They died.

 

* * *

 

When Chiaotzu and Tien arrived to the Upper World's waiting pavillion, they both were shaken to their core. Chiaotzu somehow seemed able to shake off re-existing, but Tien was still with that dulled-in-the-eyes look. Even when Yamcha lead them both to King Yemma, he was seemingly stuck in that blue emptiness.

 

"Yamcha," Tien said, waiting in the line of white wisps.

 

"Yeah?" Yamcha asked, wishing he had a pack of cigarettes or a bottle of booze to share.

 

"What happened?" Tien asked, his skin ashen.

 

Yamcha looked away. A cold feeling filled his abdomen, his head lost somewhere that didn't exist. "About _that?_ Yeah. No clue," he said, putting his hands in his orange gi pockets.

 

You see, he had a feeling that whenever he died, something had gone terribly wrong in the process. It felt like something was lost in transit on the way from that wasteland to Heaven's waiting room. A chunk of his soul was missing.

 

All he had now in this world was his best friend and his psychic little brother.

 

* * *

 

The trio had agreed to follow the path on Snake Way to King Kai's planet. Yamcha had found himself dazing out when being warned of the various 'rules' of the spirit world. All he could think of was how being split apart felt like, his soul so ice _cold_ and how nothing had mattered. Not the Saiyans, nor the Saibamen, nor the fate of the planet: it was all indifferent once your soul was removed from the equation.

 

"Did you catch that, Yamcha?" Chiaotzu said, levitating in the air around him.

 

"Oh, shit, uh.. What was it?" Yamcha said, startled back into awareness.

 

"We can't fall down from the path. If we do, we'll end up in Hell," Chiaotzu said gently, Tien looking far off to the west.

 

Yamcha blinked, looked down, and nodded. "Alrighty. Don't fall off the path. Got it."

 

Chiaotzu smiled at him, tapping Tien to attention as the guard there let them begin their journey. Tien also startled, nodding as he began walking forward. Yamcha chuckled, putting his arms behind his head as he followed behind them. This was either going to be the best or worst years of his non-existence.

 

* * *

 

It was during a break on their travels through the winding, inevitable roadway. At first, they had tried running through, the three of them trying to replace the horrified, empty feeling in their throats with the sound of footsteps. Eventually, though, they began to lose sight of why they were trying to get there so fast in the first place. The sky always seemed to be such a stupid shade of fuchsia, burning so hard through the eyelids that Yamcha thought he was hallucinating. It didn't really _matter,_ though; he was dead. He could hallucinate right down those orange clouds into the fires of hell below, and it wouldn't really matter a bit.

 

Yamcha sat on the ground, head hung low as he rested his arm on his knee.

 

Tien had followed his actions, sitting beside him and sighing. Yamcha's eyes drifted towards his figure, frowning at the sight. The man looked weaker than usual, almost a continual tinge of ash on his normally tanned skin. The scars on his arms, legs, and most predominantly chest seemed to be the only thing he could cling onto now that he was dead. Yamcha highly, _highly_ doubted he was taking this whole mess very well either.

 

"Almost feels like a fever dream," Tien said, voice quiet as Chiaotzu floated into his lap and laid there. "I can't.. focus right. At all."

 

Yamcha smiled weakly, shifting his glance toward the cement of the path under him. "Me neither. I feel.. I don't know, like I'm not thinkin' right..? I don't know. Honestly, I'm just scared," Yamcha chuckled, gripping his own hand into a fist and unclenching as if it would help him get a grasp on the situation. "It almost feels like I've been unplugged or some shit."

 

Tien nodded, Yamcha noticing that Tien seemed to be gazing off a lot more than usual.

 

"I don't like it," Chiaotzu said quietly from Tien's lap, Tien gently rubbing Chiaotzu's pale head. Yamcha almost thought that Chiaotzu was trembling for a second, his wide, blank eyes glimmering from the bottom lid. Yamcha sighed and looked upwards.

 

"Kinda funny. Right? We're in some kind of purgatory, and here we are, between the boundary of everything. We're looking for another _god,_ for fuck's sake," Yamcha said, smiling gently at the fuchsia sea above him. It was horrifically, utterly blank.

 

Tien looked over to him. "What's so funny about that?"

 

Yamcha stared off into the horizonline. ".. I just think it's funny how absolutely batshit our existences are," he said quietly, his voice full of a loneliness that none of them could describe.

 

Tien stiffened, his skin becoming even more ashen than before, before picking up Chiaotzu and hugging him close to him.

 

They weren't supposed to be there.

 

* * *

 

They were really, _really_ fucking bored. It was difficult to ignore the sudden, rippling pangs of death and terror that kept calling their names, but when they did, it was replaced with sheer and utter boredom. They tried passing the time when those moments came, playing hot potato with their uniform boots or having a rousing game of hide-and-seek within the cloud boundaries of the Other World.

 

There was one isolated incident where Yamcha found himself staring a bit too far into the shadowy hands that threatened to pull him into Hell. He had seen those fingers, curling like smoke around his boots, and.. he couldn't look away. It was mesmerizing, enticing, the feeling almost numbing to his senses. He felt one, two, five, ten fingers curl around his left boot before he had screamed, kicking rapidly into the orange clouds. Like water, the fingers split in a rush outwards before coming back to grab him. Relentless, horrified, Yamcha couldn't seem to escape the grasp of hands trying to take him to damnation.

 

"Yamcha!" Tien yelled, his voice a scream of fear as he quickly lunged from his hiding place across the opposite side of the Snake's pathway. Chiaotzu quickly followed, gasping loudly as he flew to Yamcha's side. Yamcha found himself being yanked down far too quickly into Hell before Tien caught his arms, besting the demons and pulling Yamcha back up towards the light. "Gotcha!" Tien yelled in desperate relief, Yamcha's skin completely pale. He couldn't breathe.

 

"Are you alright?!" Chiaotzu said, voice shaking as they sat Yamcha down on the hard cement of the pathway. No. He _wasn't_ alright. Well, he _would_ have been saying that had he have been able to find his voice. All he could do was gulp and gasp at the air, hands clutching Tien's arms like they were his only line to salvation.

 

"It's okay, buddy," Tien said, hugging him tightly as he kneeled next to him, "I got you. You're safe. I got you."

 

Yamcha's heart was racing a mile a minute, thudding painfully in his chest. He almost fell into Hell. He was going to be tortured down there. He felt the pull, the ache, the swell of that shadowed sea of hands. He nearly smelled the brimstone. All he could smell now was the smell of grasslands, life, Tien's body as he held him.

 

God, he didn't want to be alive anymore.

 

".. Yamcha, it's okay, I.. Don't cry, my dear friend," Tien said, breaking Yamcha out of his thoughts, voice trembling. Yamcha didn't realize the hot tears that were pouring from his stinging eyelids before the ache in his heart roared. He was brought back, the ache splitting wider and wider in his chest. It hurt.

 

"It's okay, Yamcha. You're safe. It's okay," Chiaotzu tried soothing, Yamcha clinging to Tien harshly. Chiaotzu rubbed his shoulders gently, the color still not returning to Yamcha's face.

 

He was so afraid.

 

* * *

 

The world kept turning.

 

"If I was alive again, hmm," Yamcha said, voice trailing off as he thought aloud. The trio's footsteps echoed across the white, neverending sheet of pathway, Yamcha's hand in a 'hmm' position on his chin. "If I was alive again, I'd probably go try to buy a large fry from that 50's fast food joint in West City," Yamcha said, pointing his finger up in an agreement with himself.

 

" _A-g-h,_ why did you have to _say_ tha-a-at?! Now _I_ want french fries!" Chiaotzu whined, Tien chuckling lightly at the conversation.

 

"If I was alive again, I'd personally take your wallet so you couldn't," Tien snorted, Yamcha gasping in defiance.

 

"If _I_ was alive again, I'd kick your ass and send 'ya right back here!" Yamcha retorted. Tien gave him a daring look, smirking.

 

"What makes you think you _could?_ You're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, both in strength and in smarts," Tien snickered, his lips curled up in a sneer as Yamcha frowned defensively.

 

"Oh? Well, we don't _gotta_ be dead to fight, _pal._ How about we tussle right here, huh? Loser gets.. uh," Yamcha said, first threatening before drifting into thought. What _would_ be a suitable loss for fights? It wasn't like they had any possessions left here.

 

"Loser gets sent to Hell," Tien snorted, Yamcha immediately picking that up.

 

"Yeah! Loser gets sent to Hell!" Yamcha yelled, invigorated by the thought of a spar and also keeping the joke running.

 

Tien smiled, laughing and shaking his head before looking at him.

 

His eyes were full of something, a fleeting feeling of.. failure? Regret?

 

Whatever it was, Tien kept smiling before walking onwards on the path. "Whatever you say, Bandit."

 

Chiaotzu giggled at Yamcha before floating forwards with Tien, chittering with him about something. Yamcha was left speechless.

 

* * *

 

Chiaotzu, over the many, _many_ days of flying, needed to sleep for much longer than their average few hour rests. So, about a third of the way through their journey across Snake Way, they decided to let him rest. Chiaotzu had flopped unceremoniously on the pavement, curling into a tiny ball as Tien and Yamcha moved a few curves down to give him some privacy. Also, they wanted to give him space. That pathway was pretty damned narrow for the three of them, and Yamcha and Tien were just barely able to sit side by side on the path.

 

It was quiet between them.

 

The thing was that the loneliness and isolation between the two of them had sparked up some kind of _thing_ inside of Yamcha. It was an odd type of.. clinginess? Attachment? He didn't really know a name for it. It was something that made him want to stay near Tien, make sure he was alright, y'know, _that_ kind of thing. And, truthfully, it wasn't like Yamcha hadn't felt this kind of odd way with Tien before he died. Back then, though, it was just a lot more subtle. It was a smirk, a grin, something blue and something orange against those summer days, swimming in the sea and pulling each other's leg underneath kinda thing. It was something else entirely.

 

But somehow, on these eternal days that never shifted into nights, Yamcha had tried looking for the piece of himself that got lost in death. When he began looking, he began finding, and it wasn't necessarily the missing piece of him that he found. He had found trauma, found his deepest, innermost fears, and most importantly, he found those different feelings for Tien had bloomed up again. Overall, it just pissed him off.

 

Regardless, he found a very wonderful companionship with his former rival. Rather, he felt that line of companionship and.. that _something-else_ begin to teeter-totter. There would be moments, sometimes ones that would leave Yamcha roiling for no good reason, that would tip the line further down the row. Then, well, something would happen like Launch or Bulma being brought up in a discussion that would bring it right along back again. It was a frustrating, agonizing tipping point that Yamcha desperately wished would figure itself out. That, or at least figure it out before Yamcha did something he'd regret.

 

Like having alone time with Tien in a witness-less world.

 

"So. How's the wife and kids?" Yamcha said, raising his eyebrows in amusement as he found the silence to be choking between the two of them. Tien chuckled nervously.

 

"Oh, hush it," he chuckled, smiling against the vivid purple of the sky behind him. "Even in death, you don't even have it in you to make better conversation starters."

 

Yamcha rolled his eyes, a grin curled on his lips. "Uh-huh. Sure. Y'know, I'd care more if I wasn't walkin' with you to God's house."

 

" _King Kai's_ house. Kami is back on Earth, dipshit," Tien snickered, Yamcha sighing one more time before laughing to himself.

 

"You can never let me win, can you?" Yamcha deadpanned, smiling at his friend tiredly.

 

"Nope. Not even here," Tien smiled back, Yamcha noticing a soft ring of purple around Tien's eyes. Yamcha smiled, laying back flat on the ground. Tien followed his action, Yamcha staring into the purple sky above him.

 

It was.. close enough to be comfortable but a bit of a tight fit anyway. Tien's muscles, for some ungodly reason, were on the large end of the spectrum and had a tendency to take up the room of whatever location he was in. This also includes very small pathways like the one they were in. 'Whatever,' Yamcha thought to himself, even though he felt jittery at the warm skin-to-skin contact, 'just, whatever.'

 

Tien chuckled warmly in the silence, Yamcha startling out of his thoughts. Why did he lose his awareness so quick nowadays? "Would you _really_ go back to life just for a large bag of french fries?" Tien said softly, smiling faintly at Yamcha from the side. Yamcha's stomach squeezed a little on itself, a blushing, familiar fear building in his chest before he repressed it down. No, Bulma wasn't even _in_ the Other World. Jesus, his mind was hitting the shitter.

 

"Bet your sweet ass I would," Yamcha said, as if the answer was obvious. "'Casey's Burgers' has, like, _the_ best fries in town! Like, _shit,_ Shinhan!"

 

Tien laughed, a genuine one as his eyebrows furrowed in amusement. "Well, damn. I would've thought you'd see Bulma again or some shit," he chuckled, Yamcha freezing at the comment. Tien noticed the sudden silence.

 

".. Yeah. I mean, I guess I could do that, too," Yamcha said, a bit too dry but a bit too brought-back to reality to care. Tien frowned, his face suddenly concerned and guilty.

 

"Yamcha, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.. I, uh.. yeah, bad timing," Tien said, obviously unable to find the right words. Yamcha's lips curled up lightly at the gesture, holding a hand up against Tien's face.

 

"Hold it, hold it. Relax, I forgive you. Besides, it's not like you didn't already know," Yamcha said, looking off towards the orange clouds around them.

 

Bulma was.. not the most clickable girlfriend with him. They had good times, yes, and he really _did_ care and so did she, but.. they tended to not work out. Fights, flirts with others, and, well, metaphorically flying to the sun and leaving their bodies behind tended to do the trick. Particularly the part about getting blown to pieces on live television.

 

Wait. What _did_ happen to his body once that Saibaman blew up?

 

"Yo, Shinhan," Yamcha said, eyebrows furrowing as his mental gears churned.

 

"Yeah?" Tien said, mind still guilty over the Bulma comment but continued onward.

 

"Did I look bad when I died?" Yamcha asked, turning to face Tien in a question of genuine sincerity.

 

Tien looked a bit.. stupefied before outright confusion took its place. ".. Did you look _bad..?"_ Tien repeated, confused as to why the hell he'd care about his precious appearance in the last moments of life.

 

Yamcha blinked. "Yeah, dude. Was I, like.. blown to bits or some shit..? Christ, there were _TV crews_ there if I was," Yamcha grimaced, looking away and sticking his tongue out in disgust. His poor, poor human body. Tien's eyebrows remained furrowed before he looked up at the pink-purple sky.

 

His expression suddenly became melancholic.

 

".. No. You didn't get blown to pieces," Tien muttered, obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore.

 

"..Hm? Hey. You alright?" Yamcha asked, looking back over and feeling confused. Why did it matter? They were obviously still _here,_ so to speak. Tien sighed, eyebrows still furrowed. It was quiet for a while, Tien obviously looking for the words to say.

 

"It's nothing," Tien said, closing his eyes.

 

".. Uh, well, man, it _obviously_ is something, but.." Yamcha said, imploring Tien to express himself. ".. It's not like there's anyone here to judge you for saying what you feel, dude."

 

Tien looked at the sky, his eyes slowly beginning to reflect violet amidst the eternal light in the Other World.

 

"I had lost two of my best friends, had my arm cut off, and died due to overworking myself, Yamcha," Tien started.

 

Yamcha's eyes widened. He didn't know just what had happened for Tien and Chiaotzu to get here asides from the obvious 'dying' part.

 

" _Chiaotzu_ blew himself to bits trying to kill the big bald guy, but he didn't die. A few speckles of dust from his shirt fluttered from above where he blew up," Tien said. His eyes flashed with something of utter loss, losing a child, a brother, a light in such a dismal world. Yamcha could almost see the light blue speckles himself from there.

 

"You died getting blown up, too," Tien continued, "but.. you didn't get blown up _that_ severely. And, well, I thought about a lot of things before _I_ died-- not from getting blown up. I thought about Earth, and who would protect it if everyone had fallen. I thought about my brother, my partner, the only one who _saved_ me from myself: Chiaotzu. He had given up for me, Yamcha. To protect the world, and to protect me; _that's_ what he gave up for."

 

Tears welled in Tien's eyes. Yamcha clawed against the urge to do, say _something._

 

"And what did he get for it? A failed attack. A failed Tri-Beam that didn't even _kill_ the guy."

 

Tien laughed, harshly and forcefully as if to keep himself together. It reminded Yamcha of when they were young men, the scornful laugh, taunting him back in those days. But this wasn't a taunt, and this wasn't a fight; he was laughing at himself.

 

"And don't even get me _started_ on watching you get _murdered!"_ Tien laughed, his voice shaking with unbridled emotions. "God, Yamcha, I heard you _scream!_ You _screamed_ when he blew up _,_ and I watched you tried to fight back! But you know what I did to help?! I did _nothing!_ Because-.. Because I can't do anything. I'm not like you."

 

Yamcha froze. "Tien, don't-"

 

"I didn't have the bravery nor bluff to go first and try to single handedly take on everyone," Tien said, lips trembling and eyes pooling with the weight of his own failure. "I watched you die, and I did nothing. Chiaotzu died, and I did nothing. And then I died."

 

Yamcha couldn't say anything. Tien wiped his third eye off and ran a hand up the side of his head.

 

".. Never in my entire life have I felt as useless as I did falling down. God, I failed back then, Yamcha," Tien said, tears slipping down the side of his face as he turned to look at Yamcha. He was.. he was so damned _vulnerable._

 

He couldn't bear it.

 

Yamcha stared at him with firm, reassuring eyes. "Tien," he started, "do _not_ get started on that shit. Because you're _not_ a god damn failure. You are Tien mother _fucking_ Shinhan, one of _the_ saviors of the god damned planet Earth, and I'm _not_ going to lay here and listen to you say that about yourself just because we didn't win this time."

 

Tien shivered a sigh, looking back up to the sky and no longer attempting to hold back his tears.

 

Yamcha's heart lurched awfully. "Tien," Yamcha said, voice softening. "Tien, please. You did your best. That was all you could have done. It's okay now, though.. I mean, look at us! Shiny-ass halos, beboppin' around the Other World itself! We're.. we're pretty much alive again, buddy!" Yamcha desperately tried to encourage, smiling sadly at how fucked the situation actually was.

 

Tien's eyes seem to light up in a very, very miniscule way. Sort of like a solitary christmas-tree light in a pitch-black castle ballroom. Still, when given that there was _nothing_ before, Yamcha felt his heart lift. Tien sniffed, looking away as that pitiful light nonetheless drowned in it's own existence.

 

".. I.. I know," Tien said, closing his eyes. Yamcha's eyebrows furrowed, finding himself gently laying a hand on Tien's arm. He ignored the goosebumps he felt prickle there.

 

Yamcha's lips folded, trying hard to think of what he felt in his heart. ".. I know it's hard, Tien. For lack of better words, we got fucked up. It sucks. But we'll be okay.. and you won't be alone," Yamcha said, trying to comfort his close friend. Tien chuckled with his tears, voice weary before sniffling and opening his eyes.

 

"I just wish I could go back," Tien said, regret lingering in his eyes.

 

Yamcha frowned.

 

He wish they could, too.

 

He wished he could take Tien and Chiaotzu with him back to Earth. Better yet, back to a planet where they all could just be happy. No monsters, no Saiyans, just Goku, his little boy, and every one of their friends living happily.

 

Yamcha kept his hand on his arm, gently squeezing.

 

".. When we get back to Earth, we should definitely share some fries or a burger or somethin'. Maybe a milkshake like in those shitty old-timey movies. Or a therapist. Whatever works," Yamcha said quietly, not realizing the romantic implications of what he had said till it had flown out of his mouth. God, don't say anything, Tien, don't say anything, don't _say anything-_

 

Tien giggled, throat still full with unshed tears, an odd noise to hear from his friend for some reason- "Sounds like a plan, honestly."

 

The silence was soft, oddly.. safe amidst the crippling loneliness of the situation they faced so far.

 

".. What kinda shake?" Tien asked, voice gentle as he stared upwards. Yamcha felt his face prickle, hand still on his arm. His stomach flipped with nervousness, rocking vividly for some reason as his heart increased in rate. He felt embarrassed about this-- why in the high hell, Tien wasn't a damn _chick--_ and he found himself nervously giggling as his body tried to chill itself out.

 

"Uh, hehe, no clue. You ever had one before?" Yamcha asked, a part of him desperate to move on from the topic before his heart started pounding or some shit.

 

"Not really," Tien said, his face regaining a bit of color that he had lost since he died, "uh, we weren't really allowed to have 'em growin' up. What's _your_ favorite flavor?" He looked at Yamcha expectantly, eyes widening very slightly for some reason. _Fuck,_ did he look stupid or some shit? He _definitely_ looked stupid or some shit. Yamcha felt his self-consciousness rise sky-high, internally trying to shove it back down into his intestines. Where the high fuck was this _coming from?!_

 

"Uh, hmm," Yamcha thought, taking a moment to chill himself out. It was just a simple question about _milkshakes,_ moron, don't get too _crazy-_ chocolate. He liked chocolate. "I kinda like chocolate, I guess..?" Yamcha said, smiling a little nervously. "I like chocolate with whipped cream and those cutesy little maraschino cherries on top. Picture perfect," Yamcha said, his opinion managing to cool down his frazzled nerves.

 

Tien smiled a little. "Aww. That's cute. Yeah, I can see you likin' that. You'll have to show me the ropes of 'picture perfect milkshakes' once we get back home," he said, smile turned up on his cheeks.

 

_'Aww. That's cute.'_

 

_Real fuckin' cute, apparently, Yamcha._

 

_O h o h o ,  Y a m c h a !_

 

"Yamcha..? Are you alright..?" Tien asked suddenly, Yamcha's heart pounding out of his chest. His cheeks burned, anxiety waving, a shaky, high-pitched laugh erupting from his lungs.

 

" _Totally fine, man!"_ Yamcha giggled, shaking his head rapidly, " _I'm, uh, gonna eat some clouds! I'll be right back, okay?!"_

 

Yamcha didn't wait for an answer, flying far off into the distance and hiding in a pile of clouds that he _knew_ Tien saw and _knew_ how damn pointless it was to try to hide here. Jesus Christ.

 

It sure is hard to run from your problems when there's only some stupid clouds to hide in.

 

* * *

 

 

Chiaotzu eventually woke up from his long ass sleep-- for how long, however, Yamcha couldn't guess; time wasn't a real thing when you don't have an expiration date-- and the three of them continued on their path to King Kai's. Tien's face was an odd shade of scarlet, and Yamcha said nothing. Absolutely fuckin' _nothing._

 

"Whad'ya think he'll teach us over there? I'm sure Goku's got some cool moves from King Kai to kick those Saiyan's-'s butts," Chiaotzu asked, levitating quickly through the path. The technicolor sights pretty much burned the entirety of Yamcha's eyes at this point, but he had no choice but to keep walking. He wondered if Hell had a better change of scenery, or maybe a bathtub to drown himself in. God, why did he freak out back there?

 

"No clue, buddy," Tien said, running and jumping over the path in his boredom. They had decided to keep running just to get the _hell_ off of that endless road as fast as possible. Suddenly, Tien snorted. "Maybe we'll learn how to fight."

 

Yamcha chuckled. "Dude, that'd be _sweet!_ Wonder if it's that martial-arts stuff I've been hearin' about," he said, serious in his sarcasm as he smiled. His chest lightened up, his embarrassment dissipating with the wind. Tien seemed to _always_ have the right little joke to add to shit.

 

"Oh, doubt it. That stuff's for _chumps,_ dude," Tien said, sarcastic as he cartwheeled effortlessly down the path and chuckling to himself. Yamcha laughed, trying to follow and nearly stumbling on himself repeatedly.

 

"Oh, you guys," Chiaotzu smirked, speeding up in his flying to trail beside them, "everybody knows that _boxing_ is where it's at!"

 

Tien heartily laughed. "Yeah," he giggled, "that's true. God, can you imagine our former teachers being in the _ring,_ Chiaotzu?"

 

"Oh, _god,_ spare me!" Chiaotzu giggled, Yamcha snorting at the thought of Old Ass Man Master Roshi gettin' some boxing gloves. Kamehame-hook, motherfuckers.

 

"I can't tell if I'm glad we all died together or if I severely regret it," Yamcha snickered, Tien huffing as he hopped out of his cartwheel and began running again.

 

"This implies that I haven't _already_ regretted dying and ending up in your presence," Tien joked.

 

"Oh, you can just suck my nuts, Triclops," Yamcha said, all snark.

 

"At least wait 'till we _get_ there. Jesus," Tien replied, grinning devilishly as he avoided Yamcha's glance.

 

This was gonna be a _long_ fuckin' road trip.

 

* * *

 

If Yamcha had to guess, they probably have been traveling at least two months. There was this odd little dude, a janitor-'typa guy, who had mentioned that they were probably a half of the way there-- maybe two-thirds? It wasn't really until that point did Yamcha realize that they.. still weren't how they were before they died.

 

Tien had managed to 'come back to normal' from death, so to speak, yet there would be looks, empty glances. It would remind Yamcha of the energy drink cans left at his apartment, the one he _still_ needed to clean up, god damn it, all metal.

 

Empty.

 

He didn't like it.

 

* * *

 

"I wonder if these scales on the side are sharp," Yamcha commented, tapping his index finger to his thumb in thought. Tien was sitting on the ground, trying to rest his aching legs.

 

"Don't do it, Yamcha," Tien deadpanned in exhaustion, face concerned.

 

Well, Yamcha did it anyway. Fuck the rules, yadda yadda- _Oh, son of a fuck, they are_ _definitely_ _sharp-_

 

"Yeowch! Fuck! Okay, okay!" Yamcha yelped, quickly moving off of the dragon-snake-whatever spikes. Damn things.

 

Tien and Chiaotzu giggled, their voices bouncing off infinity.

 

* * *

 

At one point, they decided to have a spar to, in Yamcha's words, 'rattle the ol' bones up.' And, well, they did!

 

Chiaotzu tried out an interesting ESP technique, one that left Yamcha quite a bit dizzy when he used it on him. Tien also tried facing the technique and found himself stumbled over on Snake Way. Overall, a pretty interesting attack to have.

 

Tien didn't have it in him to really _spar_ Chiaotzu, per say, so that left him and Yamcha to duel it out.

 

In and out of pluffs of orange clouds, Tien and Yamcha tried knocking the other's lights out in an invigorating, all smirks attack. Yamcha _loved_ these fights, blood roiling and mind racing; it almost made him forget that they were both dead.

 

"You too slow or somethin', Shinhan?" Yamcha taunted loudly, his voice echoing as he narrowly avoided a hard-fisted punch from Tien. There was one thing he _definitely_ had in his fighting repertoire: cunning and a speed that even wolves would be jealous of.

 

"Jealous? Of you? Don't make me laugh," Tien retorted, grinning before gritting his teeth and attempting a harsh kick to Yamcha's abdomen. Yamcha caught the kick scraping his ribs, dodging but still wincing in pain. He striked back with a swift punch to the jaw, knocking Tien sideways.

 

"Looks like you aren't gonna laugh any time soon with that bleedin' jaw of yours," Yamcha said, raising his eyebrows and grinning in amusement.

 

Tien, mouth bleeding, raised a hand to wipe off the blood. He gave Yamcha a look.

 

A look. A very.. metallic look. Dark, a smirk that slowly seeped with maroon. He raised his dark eyebrows, chuckling with a feeling of rivalry that he had back in the day.

 

"I won't _need_ to laugh when I have you taken care of," Tien said, eyes piercing straight into Yamcha's. Half-lidded, that arrogant, stupid look drove Yamcha.. somewhere fast.

 

He could suddenly smell the sweat, the heat of the situation, an urge to _back off_ or else there _would_ be repercussions.

 

Cheeks suddenly stinging, Yamcha threw the match.

 

* * *

 

They had began running races with each other as the end of the route came near.

 

"First one who gets there, I'll- uh.. I'll be their maid for a month!" Yamcha exclaimed as he came up with his plan. "But whoever _loses_ gets to be ours! Huh? Huh?" Yamcha said, grinning as he lightly elbowed his friends. Tien sighed.

 

"What happens to the one who doesn't happen to be first _nor_ last?" Tien said, eyebrows furrowed at his, frankly, childish competition. But, of course, that was all Yamcha's game. Yamcha paused, taking a moment to think.

 

".. Hmm. How about.. whoever's in the middle.. gets to take pictures and use them as blackmail!" Yamcha said in determination.

 

"Too harsh," Chiaotzu said, cheeks more red than usual at the thought of wearing a maid outfit.

 

"Then, uh.. middle has to _buy_ the maid outfit!"

 

"You're crazy. I'm not even _considering_ doing that," Tien scoffed, embarrassed.

 

Yamcha huffed. "Then what kinda fuckin' competition are we gonna do? There's gotta be _some_ kinda stakes involved!"

 

Tien rolled his eyes. "Come on, knucklehead. Let's just get there some time this century. Maybe we'll think of a good prize as we go along."

 

Yamcha frowned once more as Tien and Chiaotzu began sprinting down the path. "Oh, I'll give _you_ a prize," he grumbled as he raced to catch up.

 

Oh, _wow,_ that did _not_ come out right.

 

* * *

 

"Free suckerpunch!" Yamcha called, his sprinting feet becoming muscle memory.

 

"No," Tien and Chiaotzu replied loudly, continuing on.

 

"Cat costume!"

 

" _No."_

 

"A handjob!" Yamcha yelled, his answer more out of boredom than anything else.

 

Tien gave him the most piercing damn look in confusion, Chiaotzu covering his ears and yelling "la-la-la!"

 

" _Two_ handjobs!"

 

"I will _personally_ break your spinal column!" Tien yelled, face reddening as Yamcha giggled in amusement.

 

* * *

 

They found King Kai's place!

 

Rather, Yamcha did, first.

 

_[That's what he was going to say, god damn it!]_

 

A small planet hanging far above the clouds, King Kai's planet was.. definitely smaller than anticipated. Still lovely, if you asked Yamcha. I mean, hell, it looked like shit straight out of a science fiction novel.

 

Yamcha kinda wished he brought a camera.

 

They took one leap up to the planet, though, and ended up slamming so hard into the ground that Chiaotzu lost one of his teeth.

 

* * *

 

[Yamcha won the race, the sly motherfucker he was. Chiaotzu flew in second, only because Tien didn't give enough of a shit to waste his energy. And, of course, Yamcha took every shot available to joke about it.]

 

* * *

 

King Kai was an.. interesting man, to say the least. As in, he tried to make Tien tell a joke.

 

God, the poor man was absolutely _clueless._ Yamcha wasn't even sure if Tien had ever told a whole joke in his entire damned life that wasn't based on mocking the other person.

 

.. Oh, shit.

 

* * *

 

So, Yamcha managed to give Tien a really stupid pun-joke. All they could do now was watch as Tien gave it his best, 100%, fully fledged _awful_ attempt.

 

* * *

 

Update: Holy _shit,_ did Tien get into his lame jokes.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Tien," Chiaotzu whispered, a smile visible in the voice.

 

"Hmm?" Tien mumbled quietly, the three of them supposed to be asleep.

 

"Have you ever tried to eat a clock before?" Chiaotzu whispered.

 

".. No, I haven't. What about it?" Tien asked, blinking gently at his friend in the dark. Yamcha rolled over in his futon, rolling his eyes with a smile at the inevitable 'thing' that was about to occur.

 

Chiaotzu giggled. "I heard it was very.. time consuming."

 

Pause.

 

"Oh, for God's sake," Tien snickered, chuckling as he pulled the futon cover over his head, "Go to bed, Chiaotzu."

 

Chiaotzu giggled, kicking his feet in delight at his shitty pun. Yamcha couldn't help but chortle at how bad it was.

 

* * *

 

They had another guest; the son of Evil himself. Ended up dying protecting Goku's kid, the guy.

 

..Yamcha kinda had a bit more respect for the grumpy bastard.

 

* * *

 

" _You two_ wanna come with me to the Check-In Station?" King Kai asked in shock, Chiaotzu nodding happily.

 

"I wanna see how that place works! I've never had the chance to see how spirits get sent off!" Chiaotzu chippered, Piccolo rolling his eyes.

 

"I just wanna go somewhere other than this birdcage," Piccolo grumbled, King Kai waving him off.

 

"Well, whatever, I guess. I can't just let you guys waltz right into my very important meeting, though. You can stay with King Yemma, but only until my meeting's over with! Otherwise, you two'll get judged and sent to Heaven!"

 

King Kai glanced at Piccolo.

 

"Or Hell. But we won't talk about that. Alright?" King Kai added, deadpan as he shrugged. Chiaotzu nodded in happiness and spun around, levitating in the air. Piccolo just sighed and shook his head in annoyance.

 

"Fine. Yamcha, Tien, you two stay here. We'll be back in, oh.. maybe about twelve yettas?-- wait, shit, that's Kaskrit's measurement system-- uh, maybe an hour and a half. Alright?" King Kai said, glancing at the two of them sitting in the shade of a tall tree.

 

"Loud and clear, King Kai," Yamcha called, Tien glancing over and nodding in affirmation.

 

* * *

 

"See you, Chiaotzu!" Yamcha waved, Tien following as Chiaotzu waved back with a big smile. King Kai snorted, levitating into the air and blasting quickly off with Chiaotzu and Piccolo in tow.

 

"Goodness," Tien commented, the force of the blast sending shockwaves throughout the tiny planet. Yamcha snickered and began walking back into King Kai's house.

 

"C'mon, man, we're free now. Let's talk about that punishment game, huh?" Yamcha grinned wickedly, Tien's eyes lowering in anxiety.

 

"Oh, lord," Tien sighed, shrugging to no one as he walked back into the house, locking the door behind him. He didn't need Bubbles or Gregory hearing in on their stupid 'punishment game.'

 

* * *

 

Punishment game eventually forgotten, they were gossipping on the living room floor like a bunch of schoolgirls at a sleepover. Yamcha had beef about this and that, weird shit he heard at parties, and other things of that nature.

 

"So this chick, like, full on made out with a bag of tomatoes for seven dollars and a Happy Meal. Super fuckin' weird," Yamcha said, closing his eyes as he shuddered for effect.

 

"Jeez. If she's _that_ excited over some vegetables, then kissing someone must be pretty nice," Tien said, scratching the back of his neck.

 

"Tomatoes are _fruit,_ actually-- wait.. have you _seriously_ not kissed anyone before?" Yamcha asked, a bit amazed at that notion. Tien was _not_ a bad looking man by any means; he would've thought by now he'd at _least_ have a kiss with someone.

 

Tien went red and huffed. "Well, I'm sorry I'm not as big of a.. 'ladies man' as you are," Tien grumbled, Yamcha raising his eyebrows.

 

"Well, shit!" Yamcha said, "You're innocent as a babe, Triclops!" Tien sighed in annoyance and shook his head.

 

"I am a grown _man,_ Yamcha, don't start," Tien said, the red slowly spreading to his ears.

 

Yamcha suddenly got an idea.

 

".. Tien."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Since you lost the race, I wanna give you your first kiss. Punishment."

 

Tien's eyes widened. Yamcha didn't really realize he said what he did until Tien began staring at him.

 

".. You wanna kiss me.. as punishment," Tien repeated, _very_ odd about this proposition. Yamcha's abdomen stirred for some reason and almost _wanted_ to do this.

 

"Yeah! Hey, it's not the worst thing you could do here! Unless you like the maid outfit one better, in which case, whatever," Yamcha reasoned, the tip of his ears beginning to sting with blood flow.

 

Tien kept staring at him, cheek bitten in thought. "Y'know what, Yamcha? Fine. Do it. I dare you," Tien said, eyes not leaving Yamcha's face. Yamcha's stomach began burning.

 

"Oh, ehe," Yamcha laughed shyly, "a dare's a dare! I'm not a wimp! Just, uh.. Close your eyes, then."

 

Tien closed them as ordered, Yamcha crawling closer to him. Suddenly, his anxiety spiked and he was left motionless in front of him. God, what was he doing? What, was this his very own pathetic excuse for his desires? Tien isn't taking this like he was; it was obviously just another thing to get over with.

 

"Takin' a while, there, Lady-Killer," Tien said, eyes closed yet a smirk on his dumb lips. Yamcha's heart ached. It may be the only kiss he has with him.

 

Time to make it count.

 

Yamcha leaned in, eyes closed, hands on the carpet, and kissed him for one long, slow moment. He felt a warm, rough sort of stubble on Tien's cheek that nearly made him grip the floor. He didn't want it to end, knowing full well that Tien was probably disgusted at the length of it, but..

 

He would deal with that when he got there.

 

That's all he's ever been able to do, right? Just avoid his problems like the coward he was.

 

Yamcha tried not to let the thought weigh down the feeling of Tien's lips on his.

 

He caught Tien's quiet, pleasured exhale, pulling back just as Tien grabbed for his arms and pulled him in further.

 

"Hold on, I- ..," Tien hesitated, voice an odd, low urge. "Just-.. Yamcha, can.."

 

Yamcha gulped, face burning.

 

Tien pulled Yamcha into another kiss, wordless as he clutched at the back of Yamcha's gi. The action nearly made him fall limp in his arms-- Tien taking the initiative, the realization of something else..? _\--_ but Yamcha managed to keep himself steady enough to press himself back against his lips.

 

The embrace lingered, needing less space between them, before they paused and pulled back for a silent moment. Half lidded, Yamcha moved further in and kissed him again, eyes closed as he pressed his hands against his chest. Tien shivered, pressing his lips and tongue gently against his mouth.

 

This was no longer a dare, a punishment. This was.. this was the truth.

 

Sunny days, fighting competitions, sucker punches and broken legs.

 

Tien fighting the incarnation of Evil by himself and failing.

 

Teacher, gone. Reviving the ones he loved, lost.

 

Goku died. His little boy was kidnapped. The teacher could no longer protect them now.

 

They trained together, all waiting games and horrid fear, for that blue-skied day in which they died.

 

It never came to Yamcha's attention that, even beyond everything, beyond Bulma, beyond the stupid Earth that _always_ needed saving, beyond the life where they could never be happy-

 

Maybe there wouldn't _ever_ be a right time to explain himself. Maybe there wouldn't _ever_ be something as easy as his relationship with Bulma as before. Maybe it never _would_ be easy for them.

 

He loved him, though. He really, really did.

 

"Yamcha," Tien sighed quietly, Yamcha shivering at how gentle his voice was in the dark of the living room.

 

"Mm," Yamcha replied, taking a hand and gently sliding it up the back of Tien's neck. He loved him so much.

 

"I love you," Tien breathed.

 

Yamcha couldn't stop himself from trembling. God, this may have been fast- so fast, but..

 

.. but they had spent so long together.

 

The heat in his heart had flooded through his veins, the aching, the sorrow, losing the one he loved and dying just to come back and find him in Heaven.

 

"I love you, too," Yamcha said, trying as hard as he could not to start bawling from the sincerity of it.

 

Tien shivered. "I love you so  _much, Yamcha_ ," he said, his voice shaking with emotion as his fists gripped harder at the back of his gi. It hurt, both the sound of years of longing, loss as well as the fingernails railing directly into his lower back. Yamcha felt a groan threaten to ride up his throat at the feeling of it.

 

"I- love you too," Yamcha shivered, his sense of thought slowing down with the heat of Tien's tongue trying to tease him open. Yamcha couldn't help the small, trembling whimper that rolled out of his throat as he let him in, burning at the seams at how Tien kept shuddering under his breath with each passing second.

 

 _"God, you're so cute,"_ Tien groaned, sliding a hand into Yamcha's hair and gripping.

 

.. _Oh._

 

_That was a new noise that he needed to hear for the rest of his life._

 

Yamcha's face reddened as he found himself needing what Tien was giving. He found his hands moving to clutch at Tien's hips, kissing and nibbling more against his lips and mouth as Tien exhaled in dizzying pleasure. All he could think about was that _want_ , the needy feeling of seeing what makes Tien break along those stoic edges-- and that _he_ caused it. Tien _wanted_ him, really loved him back, and _god,_ it felt good.

 

"First kiss, huh?" Yamcha muttered into his lips, voice shaking as he slowly moved to sit on Tien's lap. Tien grunted, sliding his tongue between Yamcha's lips and kissing hard. His hands moved to his ass, pulling Yamcha all that much closer to him. Yamcha gasped, body stinging as he curled himself further into Tien's trembling hands.

 

"I've wanted you to be a lot of my firsts," Tien muttered low under his breath. Heat stirred in the bottom of Yamcha's stomach, followed by a very dark red and gripping thought.

 

Oh, could he fulfill that.

 

"How long," Yamcha groaned, his hands sliding from the hips up and feeling the entirety of Tien's bare chest and back.

 

_God, could he fulfill that._

 

 _"Years,"_ Tien shuddered out, groaning more gutturally as Yamcha pressed his chest against him _hard._ Tien moaned harshly-- which, Yamcha felt almost pridefully satisfied by-- and eventually pulled back panting. Yamcha followed, pulling away and breathing raspily for his lost breath. He tilted his head up slow, noticing Tien's red cheeks, wet lips, his eyes: all pupil.

 

Yamcha felt a deep weight in his abdomen, a thick-as-metal urge to do something _far_ beyond that of rivalry with Tien.

 

".. Okay," Yamcha said, breathing hard. His crotch ached, something Yamcha kept trying to ignore.

 

".. So, that was.." Tien said quietly, gulping and shuddering. He kept looking away, his face red.

 

Yamcha had a thought. A very inappropriate thought, at that.

 

* * *

 

Well, Yamcha had come to two conclusions, if anything;

 

Showers were good at hiding noise, and that what happens on King Kai's planet _stays_ on King Kai's planet.

 

Including that 'I love you' part, according to their reluctance to talk about it. Yamcha wanted to sigh.

 

* * *

 

The training was really fuckin' intense. Especially given some of the awkward pauses between him and Tien, King Kai bitching at them to spar already, the training was _definitely_ one of the hardest things he's ever done in his life.

 

~~Obvious jokes aside.~~

 

Apparently, though, they were doing better than Goku did in a much shorter amount of time. Yamcha felt inklings of pride in that, yet.. wondered to himself. What was the point of it all? There was.. something about this whole situation that made him feel like no matter what he was going to do, it would be surpassed by the monkey-man himself.

 

And then, even _still.._ He wondered what it was like picking up his corpse after everything was over. He hoped Bulma didn't have to do it.

 

He still wished _nobody_ had to do it.

 

"What's the matter?" Tien asked, sitting down beside Yamcha as he stretched his arms out. His voice was soft, reassuring, Yamcha wanting to lean into him.

 

"I don't know, man. It's.. I don't know."

 

Tien blinked at him gently, the epitome of resilience. "Somethin' you can't describe, huh?" he asked, looking at the grass under their knees.

 

Yamcha nodded. "It sucks. I just.. I've been getting a bad feeling."

 

Tien raised an eyebrow.

 

"A bad feeling," Yamcha said, voice soft, "like.. like I don't matter? Like _none_ of this training shit matters? I.. I died that day, a-ll the way back, and I feel like I lost the whole game'a life. Almost like I'll never be able to catch up again."

 

Tien's eyebrows furrowed, obviously concerned but finding relation to that statement. He put a firm hand on Yamcha's shoulder, sighing gently.

 

".. I know I'm not the best one to tell you this, but life isn't all about fighting, Yamcha," Tien said, looking over at him. Yamcha felt a slight tinge of annoyance, but suppressed it.

 

"I know that, Tien. It's just- it's like, I don't know, I-.. it's almost like my mind _wants_ to go back to that nothingness. It wants to find a reason for me to go back, or at least, like, _linger_ on it. And it sucks! I just-.." Yamcha said, voice trailing off quietly. "I wish.. I wish that I didn't die at all. Life is stupid. I'm fuckin'.. It's almost like I never should have gotten involved with fighting in the first place."

 

Tien kept his hand on his shoulder, gently rubbing an arm scar that he acquired from his bandit days in Diablo Desert. His eyes were soft with sympathy, something that Yamcha found smothering out the frustration in his chest.

 

The wind brushed across that tiny planet, their gold haloes reflecting almost comically off of the always-fuchsia sky. It seemed like some convoluted fuckin' joke, almost. A couple of faggot-ass fighters, chillin' with a psychic eternal-little-boy and a god, learning how to punch harder.

 

It's all a joke. From beginning to end, it was all a god damned joke.

 

"..If anything, I'm glad I started fighting; I got to meet you in the end," Tien said, a murmur-soft admittance.

 

Yamcha closed his eyes and, heartfeltly, held the hand that Tien placed on his shoulder.

 

"Let's play again! C'mon, Bubbles!" Chiaotzu giggled from across the planet, echoing as Bubbles hollered in his familiar monkey-squeals.

 

* * *

 

 

They had continued training with King Kai, gaining speed and energy towards a situation that no longer belonged to them. Their friends were going to an odd planet called Namek to get another set of Dragon Balls, since Piccolo died and all. Yamcha found it almost bitterly funny, a dark blue kind of chuckle; the only one Piccolo let his guard down for was the child of the man who killed his father. Gohan, however, was now holding a deep-set responsibility that would border on adulthood.

 

Yamcha often saw traces of regret slipping on Piccolo's face, yet refused to say anything.

 

* * *

 

Krillin had been impaled, according to King Kai. That snarky, grinning idiot had been pierced straight through, horn of a bull through living flesh and blood. Slammed _so fucking hard_ into a Namekian sea, the foam and seawaves drowning him as the blood and saltwater slipped through his open wound. He wasn't even wearing his stupid fucking Kame House gi.

 

"Yamcha!" Chiaotzu yelled.

 

The three of them watched as Yamcha sprinted into the house, the bathroom, locked the door, slammed himself against the bathroom wall, and cried. Tears rolled down Tien's ashamed face as Yamcha's fist slowly hit the wall, one, two, five times.

 

* * *

 

The hours before the end. Piccolo had been sent off to protect their friends, the sole savior that could provide help in the arena trap that was Namek.

 

Even though the sky burned as brightly as ever, Yamcha wished it was dark.

 

The three of them curled up together against King Kai's house. They couldn't sleep, couldn't figure this shit out. They didn't want their friends to die. They didn't want Gohan, a mere fucking _child,_ to fall due to his own innocence. He was just a little boy who had lost his father and the only mentor he ever had. The only one he could cling onto was Krillin, yet another father figure that was point-three centimeters from being lost even then.

 

It was such a hopeless endeavor, a killing coincidence, a pitiful sorrow. Half of the namekians have already been slaughtered on Namek, according to King Kai. Children, men, it made no difference.

 

What makes a couple of ridiculous humans think they'd even have a chance?

 

So pitiful. Their friends were dying.

 

None of this fighting was a game. It never would be.

 

Yamcha just wanted to rub his eyes, find the stinging stars in the back of his eyelids, and find that this never happened. Tien would still be alive, their odd relationship in the before-tangles of romance, Chiaotzu wouldn't be dust, and Gohan would still be his mother and father's son. No matter how many times he tried, though, all he was left with was a deep-settled regret. There was no escaping this nightmare.

 

Tien every now and again would start singing quietly to them, a lullaby in a far off language that Yamcha never overheard in the desert. The paleness in his cheeks, the soft emotion in his voice, it scared Yamcha. His third eye was closed, as if scared to open them and find the world around him gone.

 

" _Māmā māmā bù zàijiā,"_ Tien hummed, voice shaking as if more to himself than to them, _"tā qù wèi nǐ mǎi wáwá."_

 

Yamcha laid his head against his chest, Chiaotzu held in Tien's other arm as he sung. King Kai kept staring off, far away.

 

* * *

 

Krillin got blown up.

 

Piccolo got blasted through the heart saving Goku.

 

Namek was blasted with a ball of energy so harsh, so rocking, that the planet was set to blow up in lava and molten rock.

 

All Yamcha could remember was panic. Panic and Tien's lullabies as he clutched at them.

 

Frieza wouldn't stop at Namek. Frieza would destroy everything.

 

Panic and Tien's lullabies, crying, mourning together at the corpses that were slowly building at their feet. All they could do, weak as they were, was watch. Watch all of the friends they loved die alone.

 

* * *

 

Namek blew up.

 

* * *

 

God must have had a plan for these worthless fools.

 

Many of their friends survived, Piccolo included. A little Namekian boy that Gohan befriended ended up saving their lives at the literal last possible second. Yamcha found himself owing that kid a sundae or his.. life, if ever given one again.

 

The night that everyone alive had returned to Earth, though-- an absolute, utter chance that some of their friends had survived at all-- Tien began crying.

 

He suddenly began sobbing, hiccuping as Yamcha shuffled in his futon, quickly waking up.

 

"What's-" Yamcha started, mind blurred-

 

"Don't go away," Tien begged, eyes flooded with sincere tears and loss. "Don't go away from me. Please."

 

Yamcha felt a deep hurt roll in his heart. What happened?

 

"..Tien? What's the matter?" Chiaotzu asked, floating out of his bed in his little-boy pajamas. Tien took one quivering look at Chiaotzu before crying harder, gripping at his arms and heaving. Yamcha crawled over, hands and knees, moving to hold his shoulders.

 

"Dude- what happened? Are you hurt?" Yamcha said, slowly focusing into awareness. Tien looked like he had been awake for a while.

 

"We're going to be split apart soon, and I don't know why," Tien cried, shaking. Yamcha felt a cold wave breach through him-- they were going to be split apart even _further_ than death..?

 

"Tien, hey, it's gonna be alright.. We're gonna be together, okay? We're safe as safe can be up here," Chiaotzu said, his soft voice a beacon of aqua in the dark of that living room.

 

Tien sniffled and shook his head. He gripped his futon blanket, said nothing more as he laid back down and curled into a ball.

 

It was a feeling that had permeated every square inch of that room.

 

Suddenly, Yamcha found himself talking.

"No matter what happens, Tien. No matter what happens, we will never, _ever_ be wiped from this earth. Even back there.

 

We have walked on dust and blood, Tien. Our memories will _not_ lose their damned imprint on this stupid world. _We_ will never lose each other, because the scratches and craters of where we practiced together will _always_ be there," Yamcha said, eyes looking into Tien's form in the blankets. Tien peaked his head out, shocked by the statement.

 

Their legacy, really, regardless of what they could accomplish anymore, _truly_ could never be forgotten. Even if they were wiped out like insects on a summer windowsill, the Earth would _not_ forget their names-- and none of their existences would have ever been alone, in vain.

 

Yamcha could only find the littlest of solace in that, yet even so..

 

Suddenly, Tien's eyes watered in the darkness, staring thoughtfully at him. Chiaotzu's cheeks reddened, a small gasp fluttering from his mouth. "Tien!" Chiaotzu hissed in surprise, Yamcha suddenly snapping out of his odd little moment.

 

".. Wait, what?" Yamcha said, confused by what was going on.

 

Tien inhaled, mouth remaining open, before hesitating and closing. He shook his head.

 

"It's stupid," Tien muttered, pulling the covers over his head and laying down.

 

"That's not stupid, Tien!" Chiaotzu said, voice a whisper yet shocked at something Yamcha wasn't aware of.

 

".. Uh, alright, what? Is this some psychic shit goin' on?" Yamcha said, confused by what the high hell was happening.

 

"Drop it, Chiaotzu," Tien said, voice a muffled, embarrassed groan.

 

"'Wǒ xiǎng hé nǐ yīqǐ biàn lǎo!' That's what he wanted to say!" Chiaotzu blabbed, Tien immediately sitting up and angrily barked at Chiaotzu to quit. His face was red.

 

Yamcha was still _really_ fucking confused. ".. Wo shia... hu.. _what?"_ Yamcha repeated, not understanding what was going on.

 

They continued to bicker, none of them going to sleep that night until there were at least two interventions via Yamcha. He still didn't know what the fuck had happened but decided to leave it to the weirdos to fight over.

 

* * *

 

Namek was destroyed, Goku was gone, Frieza was gone, and they only could revive one of them for the year.

 

Chiaotzu and Tien opted to stay up with King Kai until they got wished back, glancing at Yamcha with a gentle look on their faces. For some reason, though, Yamcha could only feel a regret, a voice in his head almost begging them to take his place.

 

Yamcha didn't wanna go alone.

 

Going alone meant facing reality alone.

 

Going alone meant facing Bulma, facing Vegeta, facing his stupid dirty apartment that he left behind back on Earth. His inadequacy, the loss of the sunshine, stupidity that was Goku, the loss of yet _another_ identity piece.

 

Back to life.

 

They were about to make the wish, Yamcha feeling a strange, crippling feeling that didn't make him want to cry, no. It made him want to sink into the grass and float there. He didn't want to go. He was scared, wanted Tien, as childishly as it was, to hold his hand.

 

He didn't want to have to deny everything that happened on that god damned planet, didn't want to have to go back to acting like everything's fine. Because it wasn't.

 

".. Yamcha, buddy," Tien said softly, standing up from where he was sitting with concern on his face.

 

Yamcha looked up, his eyes burning with one statement and one statement alone:

 

_I'm scared to do this without you._

 

Yamcha's face lowered as Tien moved to embrace him, rubbing his arms gently. "You'll be alright, friend. I promise. We'll be back soon, and.. and we can finally share a milkshake or something. Doesn't that sound nice?" Tien soothed, pulling away to look Yamcha in the eyes. There was a faint smile on his face, one that calmed the swells of ache in his heart.

 

But before he could reply, he found himself being thrown back into Earth's gravity, light as death, and proceedingly tossed into a lake of water not far from the Dragon Balls' location.

 

Honestly? It didn't sound as nice as it did before.

**Author's Note:**

> Māmā māmā bù zàijiā, tā qù wèi nǐ mǎi wáwá = mommy is not at home, she is buying dolls for you.  
> [chinese lullaby. i had to find the lyrics very harshly as the youtube title for this song isnt what its actually called in chinese. original chinese lyrics, chinese website: https://www.1ting.com/geci73702.html  
> youtube lullaby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKZcfYPrkTo]
> 
> wǒ xiǎng hé nǐ yīqǐ biàn lǎo!= i want to grow old with you!


End file.
